Conversation
Proverbs 20:5 says: “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out”. Matthew Henry explains, “Though many capable of giving wise counsel are silent, yet something may be drawn from them, which will reward those who obtain it.” There is great joy in pursuing intimate relationship because each person gains the benefit of the knowledge and the wisdom of the other. In the pursuit of intimacy, we continue in relationship so that trust and mutual respect can grow and so that we may “draw out” what lies in those deep waters. With each encounter, we reveal a little more of ourselves and respectfully receive from the person we are in relationship with. We are accepting and loving. When our friend confesses a sin to us, we respond with the love of Christ and with compassion. We can be a restorative influence in our friend’s life as we walk through the circumstances that led them to the decision/action and we may talk about ways to avoid that pattern in the future. We are careful to remind one another that our God is a forgiving God when we come to Him in humility. Proverbs 6:24 says, “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” In intimate relationship, we speak life-giving words to one another. We are interested in one another. We are invested in one another’s lives. We welcome accountability. We offer wise counsel. We keep each other’s confidences.
Yes, there is risk in being transparent. There is the possibility of getting hurt, but this is par for the course in any relationship that we engage in, isn’t it? The benefits of taking the risk, however, are well outweighed when the Lord is at the center of a rich and intimate relationship. This level of relationship will not happen with every friend. As a matter of fact, the Lord may lead you to connect with someone you are not currently close with. I was not already in a friendship with the two ladies that the Lord initially brought into my life for this purpose. If you are not already in this type of intimate relationship, I would encourage you to pray and ask the Lord to reveal to you the person(s) that would be good for you to pursue this kind of closeness with because the word tells us that “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17) We all need this type of friend in our lives.
One final word. This type of relationship differs from what I would term as a mentor relationship, where the balance of give/receive is different – or from an accountability partner relationship which may not be set up for mutual accountability. Those relationships serve a different purpose and may not have a friendship component to them. In a spiritually intimate friendship, as we share with Christ, each person gives and receives as fully as they are able.
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